This site is a resource for parents who wish to successfully launch their young adult.
There are opportunities to learn from experts such as Dr. Stoltzfus, who will share his research and experience in working with young adults and parents. But equally important is to learn from the “voice” of experience that you, as parents, have about what works and what doesn’t. So, this site represents a work in progress, a learning experiment, and a community of concerned parents who want to do the best they can to help launch their young adults.
Once our children reach the young adult stage, we have less control and influence. So, we have to think less about how we can control and “fix” our young adult and more about how we can demonstrate the parenting behavior that supports our young adult’s emotional and behavioral independence.
Parents Succeed in the Launch Process by Using the Six Practices
When strengthened by you, the six practices illustrated in the left circle at the right can support your young adult’s independence, your continued connection with them, and your ability to sleep at night, knowing you did the best you could as a parent.
Both parents and young adults suffer if independence is attained through hostility, anger, or resentment. The six practices can facilitate the process of launching your young adult and helping you let go in a loving way. Doing so will allow your young adult to be both independent from and connected to you. You may not need to focus on all of these practices, but it is likely that strengthening one or more of these can make a big difference in your letting-go process.
- Securing the relationship through unconditional love
- Strengthening the relationship through understanding and relating
- Solving old problems and wounds through apology
- Resolving conflicts and letting go through forgiveness
- Standing firm, setting boundaries, and saying “no”
- Saying goodbye and growing apart from children
The Key Tasks of Young Adults At Launch Stage
The young adult also plays a role in this developmental stage. Here are some practices they can strengthen to support healthy letting go.
- Understanding and developing empathy for the parents
- Apologizing for actions that have been destructive to the relationship- a gift to the parents
- Forgiving parents for the past and present and forgiving self
- Love – reaching out to parents and staying connected
- Independence – financial, physical, and emotional
- Letting go of needs, expectations, and actions that keep the young adult dependent on the parent
Qualities of a Healthy Parent
- Transparency and vulnerability
- Empathy and Compassion
- Openness
- Patience
- Willingness to change first
- Honesty and ability to say “no”
- Ability to accept and grieve loss
- Self-care and self-compassion
Connect with Parents Letting Go
Want more information? Subscribe for Dr. Jack’s latest newsletter below, or check out our social media profiles on LinkedIn and Facebook for more discussions. If you want to get in contact with us you can always fill out the contact us form, call at 651-243-4933 or email directly at drjackstoltzfus@gmail.com to set up a consultation. If you live in Minnesota, Dr. Stoltzfus may be able to see you under your insurance plan, but, if you are out of state, Dr. Stoltzfus may provide parent coaching with private pay at $200 a session.