• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Reach Dr. Jack at: 651-486-0122 ext 2

   

Parents Letting Go Logo

Parents Letting Go | Dr. Jack Stoltzfus

Family Behavioral Healthcare

  • Home
  • About
    • About “Parents Letting Go”
    • About Dr. Jack Stoltzfus
  • Products
    • Practice Books
    • Parent Consultation Service
    • Family, Individual & Couples Therapy
  • Resources
    • Quizzes
    • Interviews
    • Tip Sheets
    • Annotated Bibliography
    • Other Resources
  • FAQ
  • Blog
  • Contact
    • Newsletter Sign-up

Love To Let Go

March 10, 2018 by Dr. Jack Stoltzfus

Ensuring that your young adult knows and feels loved unconditionally is necessary to create the security they need to move out in life on their own. The analogy of secure attachment of the toddler that creates comfort for them to explore their new freedoms applies to the second stage of separation—young adulthood. Such messages delivered consistently in word and deed can be the difference between life and death for a young adult. If they know they are loved no matter what—school or job failure, problems with drugs or alcohol—that can carry them through their darkest times.

Cutting off or rejecting the young adult who gets into trouble or stumbles in attempts at mature independence hurts both parents and the young adult. Attaining autonomy at the cost of positive emotional connection with parents does not bode well for the young adult’s success or for the parent’s happiness. Parents who misinterpret the concept of tough love as that of withholding love and cutting off the relationship to force young adults to stand on their own are inadvertently undermining the natural process of young adult independence.

What can a parent do?

  1. Consistently express in words and actions that no matter what or how bad things might get, the young adult is loved.
  2. When considering taking a tougher stand with a young adult ask yourself: Is this done out of love or driven by fear, anger, resentment, or anxiety?
  3. When considering putting an emphasis on “pushing” the young adult out of the nest, whether this the home and/or the dependence they demonstrate on the parents, ask yourself if your position and action will help them move further toward independence while maintaining a positive connection to the parent.
  4. You’re trying to do the best you can to facilitate their independence with emotional support, but in the end, you can’t always control their response.
  5. Consider other resources to help you with young adult parenting decisions. Friends or seeking professional help can be useful. Also, consider checking out the tips on the subject of unconditional love at parentslettinggo.com and the book entitled Love to Let Go.
  • Author
  • Recent Posts
Dr. Jack Stoltzfus
Dr. Jack Stoltzfus
Licensed Psychologist at Parents Letting Go
Dr. Stoltzfus’ mission is to provide information, education, guidance and resources to parents of young adults who are struggling to launch or let go while maintaining a positive, caring relationship with their young adult.
Dr. Jack Stoltzfus
Latest posts by Dr. Jack Stoltzfus (see all)
  • Parents – A Letter To Your Young Adult can Make a Big Difference - April 15, 2021
  • Parents – Try Saying Goodbye to Your Young Adult with a Letter - March 8, 2021
  • What to do When Your Young Adult is Lying - March 2, 2021
Recommend this to a friend:

Category iconblog,  Letting Go Tag iconlet go,  letting go,  love

Primary Sidebar

Contact Dr. Jack

    Sign up for Our Newsletter

    Articles By Category

    • Apology
    • Backbone
    • blog
    • Communication
    • Coping with Coronavirus
    • Counseling
    • Failure to Launch
    • Forgiveness
    • Letting Go
    • Love
    • Millennial
    • Mindset
    • Resources
    • Six Parental Practices
    • Understanding
    Are You a Parent with Backbone?

    Take the Quiz to Find Out!


    Take Quiz

    Footer

    Contact Dr. Jack

    Reach Dr. Jack at 651-486-0122 ext 2

    drjackstoltzfus@yahoo.com

    521 Tanglewood Drive
    Shoreview, MN 55126

    Links

    • Disclaimer and User Agreement
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms and Conditions

    Sign Up for Our Newsletter

       

    Copyright © 2021 Parents Letting Go. Website by Oil Can Marketing