The following tips were developed after hearing parents at my workshops say they wanted direct, specific actions they could take with their young adults. The tip sheets are centered around the six practices that parents need to strengthen to successfully launch their young adults.
The tips are meant to primarily change your behavior as a parent. I caution you to not judge the value of these tips strictly on the effect they may have on your young adult. I am aware that there is an expectation these tips will help you positively change your young adult’s perception of you or behavior. However, you should judge your selection and implementation of these tips based upon the belief that they are the right actions for you to take to be the best parent you can be.
Steps to Implement One or More Tips
Review the tip sheet and identify one tip or two tips you would be willing to implement. (For you overachievers, this may seem too simple, but try to effectively follow one or two tips and learn the process before you take on the other eight.)
Announce to your young adult (and alert your spouse or significant other) that you are going to try to be a better parent by following __________ tip.
Promise to do your best to carry out this new action but may slip or fall back on an old practice at times. If you catch yourself slipping, you will apologize and keep trying to follow through. Propose you forfeit a dollar each time you slip into interrupting, judging, or offering your opinion. (optional)
Indicate to your young adult that you will be asking for feedback on observations of your success in following through on the tip you chose. Note: It is important that you routinely ask for observations and feedback from your young adult about how you are doing. Otherwise they may overlook the changes you are making.
Weekly, or at times when you have tried to implement a tip, ask your young adult for two types of feedback:
Ask whether your young adult has observed your effort and behavior change, and if they believe it was helpful.
Ask for one or two suggestions that you could implement to make the tip more helpful.
Express thanks for the feedback and suggestions and offer to adopt any suggestion you think are reasonable and you are willing to do.
Continue to commit to the change you are making and repeat the request for feedback until you and your young adult feel that the behavior has become routine. By routine, I mean it has moved to long-term memory and become more natural.
