Over ten years ago, when I started to focus on parents of young adults and the launch challenge, the 18-29 population was primarily Millennials. Now the 18-29 year-olds are primarily Gen Zers, with Generation Alpha, born after 2013, rapidly moving toward the young adult years. I have written a lot about millennials and, in fact, have written a short book on this group. But I feel the need to update our understanding of this current generation of young adults born between 1997 and 2012.
Characteristics of Gen Z
Gen Zers are entering adulthood in a world very different from the one their parents experienced. They are the first generation raised entirely in the digital age, shaped by smartphones, social media, economic uncertainty, political polarization, and the disruptions of COVID-19. My son, born in 1980, who claims to be a Gen Xer and doesn’t want to be labeled a Millennial, experienced the transition into the digital age. He initially carried a pager (such an antique now) when he went out. In college, he built a computer from scratch, which struck me as quite nerdy at the time, but spoke to his curiosity about how things work.
Unlike Millennials, who remember life before constant connectivity, Gen Z has grown up under near-continuous social comparison and online evaluation. They are often emotionally aware, open about mental health, and deeply concerned with authenticity and social issues. At the same time, anxiety, loneliness, fear of failure, and uncertainty about the future are historically high. They have the highest rates of depression and anxiety, and over 70% report loneliness. Odd, isn’t it, for the most connected generation to be the loneliest. Is something missing? Could it be human contact? Smerconish on CNN Saturday mornings laments the loss of the ability to “mingle” with this current generation. It’s too easy to sit at a screen and avoid in-person contact.
Many Gen Z young adults struggle not because they are lazy or unmotivated, but because they may feel overwhelmed. Typical young adult challenges, such as going to college, finding a job, dealing with conflicts, and dating, can seem daunting. This is the first generation to have less sex than the previous one. Although I am not necessarily advocating that they should have more sex, drink more beer, and smoke pot, as Scott Galloway advocates in his book entitled On Becoming a Man, one can understand that sitting in front of a screen and watching porn is a good way to avoid risk and rejection. Although this generation is clearly at greater risk than past generations, there are some positive characteristics to note. They are tech-savvy, concerned with social justice, pragmatic, ambitious, entrepreneurial, compassionate, and value mental health. Like their older millennial sibs, they value work-life balance over pure work ethic.
Parents Have Also Changed
We have worked hard to help our Gen Z kids find happiness and success in life, but have also, in the process, protected them from disappointment, discomfort, and failure. I have been asked:
- “Why are kids having more trouble launching?”
My belief is that my generation, the baby boomers, began investing more heavily in our kids’ success and happiness than past generations did. We started to focus on improving self-esteem and giving everyone a trophy. Starting with Millennials, but continuing with Gen Zers, there has been a stereotype belief that they suffer from entitlement. But if they are entitled, who taught them this? If you have an entitled Gen Zer, you likely have a enabling parent. By enabling, I mean not allowing someone to face consequences, doing things for them when they could do them. In a recent survey of parents with whom I worked, which I will report on in a future blog, one-third of parents said they are responsible for their kids’ happiness and success. While well-intentioned, enabling and overprotecting can unintentionally weaken confidence and thwart the development of resilience.
5 Tips for Parents of Gen Zers
What can we do to help our Gen Zers become more self-sufficient and responsibly independent while maintain a caring bond with us? Here are some suggestions:
- Be sure they know they are loved unconditionally, especially if they are struggling or not meeting our expectations.
- Resist over functioning (helicopter parenting) or under functioning (backing away believing you don’t have a role when they turn 18).
- Normalize stress and the experience of anxiety at times without giving them a pass to avoid responsibilities.
- Reinforce the need to step up and learn adult responsibilities – a further schooling, a job, dating, building community (mingling). Resilience occurs when something is hard, challenging and takes grit and courage. Show them you believe in them even if they are not sure they believe in themselves.
- Be empathetic, transparent and willing to admit mistakes, apologize and forgive both them and yourself. Modeling these qualities is very powerful.
Being a parent at the launch stage is a challenge, but both parties need to find a path forward that includes a path for both to work together to achieve a successful launch.
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